bunnika:

I seriously just had to teach my mother some basics of parenting.

Both photos are of my daughter in October, the first in 2011, the second in 2012.  I let her pick out her own clothes, shoes, haircuts, hair colors, anything superficial, really.  She’s too young to understand the permanence of piercings, so she doesn’t have any.  But hair grows, shoes get grown out of, clothes go threadbare.  These things don’t really matter—shouldn’t really matter—but anyone raising a gender-variant child knows the world isn’t that kind.

My daughter recently requested a haircut like mine.  A long flop on top, pixie-length fade on the back and sides.  She’s been bugging me for weeks to color her hair again, I just haven’t had the time.  But today she came to me with the same shyness she keeps developing when outside our home; she’s being pressured by peers and family to look “normal,” to grow her hair long and uncolored, to dress a certain way (she hates to match), to indulge in self-consciousness, and alter or not alter her appearance to gain the approval of others, and society at large.

THIS FUCKING INFURIATES ME.

I called my mother tonight, because my daughter had become shy again, and didn’t want to color her hair anymore, and she said it was because of what her Nana had said to her.  My mother told me we should get that spray-on Halloween hair colors, so it wouldn’t be so “permanent” and my daughter could be “normal” again to avoid being bullied.

IT IS NOT THE JOB OF THE VICTIM TO STOP BEING BULLIED.  IT IS THE BULLY’S JOB TO STOP BULLYING.

I know she gets teased sometimes, and we always talk about it.  She stays strong and confident, so long as she has the support of those around her.  But what that support falters, or pulls a 180, she’s left to crash.

She also gets teased for liking dinosaurs and not dolls.  She gets teased for preferring roughhousing to playing house.  She gets teased for liking Lightning McQueen and not Cinderella.  Where do we draw the line?

My mother thinks this is a “minor” thing, that it’s better to just blend in.  But it would plant the seed of doubt, it forms the foundation for queer kids staying in the closet, for disabled kids to feel worthless, for young girls accepting abusive partners.  This is not “minor,” it is fucking MAJOR, because this is my daughter’s foundation, and it will shape her life.

Support your fucking kids.  Let them be who they want to be, look how they want to look, and play how they want to play.  And make sure they know that you will love them no matter what.

(Source: dynamogenesis)

meme-meme:

Now here’s a good reason to be a mom.

I wish this stroller existed when Boo was born! Awesome! haha

In the Playroom is a metaphor for the impossibility of a protective space safe from the reach of modern media. The quizzical disposition of youth and the pervasive nature of the media are symbolically represented in my images through tableau-vivant re-enactments of the very current events that adults might wish to keep out of their child’s world. Just as children make a game of pretending to be adults as a way to prepare and ultimately take on these roles in later life, so too do they explore things that they hear or see, whether or not they completely understand the magnitude of the event or the implications of their play.

Jonathan Hobin - check out the rest

I saw Boo do something like this the other day, and it makes me wonder how she processes the information she absorbs by just being in the room while I’m watching some tv show I like (TBBT!) or the news.

She was in the room as Osama Bin Laden’s death was announced on tv, and all of a sudden just yesterday she was talking about the bad man across the street. I had no idea who she was talking about, and then something she said about his pet made me realize she was talking about our neighbour who wears a turban - and did that ever bother me - the fact that she thought our neighbour was a ‘bad guy’ just because of what she took in while I was watching the news. She’s talked to our neighbour before and he’s really nice, but now she saw the “bad man” on tv and all of a sudden she associates that guy with our neighbour.

I talked to her about it. And it just goes to show, even if you educate your kids on a daily basis about how people are different and how that’s a good thing and such (especially with us biracial folk), they still hear all the bullshit from the idiot box and form these strange opinions and ideas out of it.

It sucks! But, I guess that’s just a part of parenting I never really thought about until now because I (well I thought I did) regulate almost all she sees on tv. And looking for hidden meanings and messages in tv shows/advertising/etc. is something I’ve always personally watched out for, ever since I was young. And I am going to start teaching Boo to watch for, think about and talk about those messages starting now.